on remembering

I won't let time erase
One bit of yesterday
'Cause I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
Though we can never be
I'll keep you close to me
When I remember

Glittering lights
Incandescent eyes
Still preserved in my mind
In the mem'ries, I'll find solace

can you see me?

i got used to reading blogs now and learn about other people's lives -- friends and strangers -- and kept myself updated with what's happening to some of my friends especially those who i don't always see and get in touch with.

reading their stories sometimes makes me happy, makes me laugh, makes me think, and rarely makes me cry.

i've read a couple of entries from blogs containing sad thoughts and too many unhappy endings. and i never felt so sad about it. but this time it did. i dunno what's in it specifically but i cried. and i couldn't stop myself. it didn't last too long, tho. nevertheless, i feel like im feeling the same way pong did. yes, it was pong's entry on our blog that made me cry.

and badz laughed at me when he saw me crying. of course, he laughed after finding nothing so touchy and feely on that entry. and bon said something like mababaw ang luha mo.

oo, mababaw nga. and i'm not afraid that others would see me crying. since i don't often express what i feel inside, i always cry it out. it's my way of releasing any suppressed emotions that i may have. i may be telling my friends what my problems or concerns are, but it's just not everything. and i open up to friends more than i ever do to my immediate family. you may not be able to fully imagine how hard it feels.. coz you're not like me. it's really hard.

i'm learning.. but for now, at 21 i am still the same kid whose true feelings are reflected in the amount of tears she pours out. and it takes a bold eye to fully understand.

sLeepyhead

hindi kme natuloy sa gerry's kahapon which is fine. really fine. and so i decided i'd come with anne and basti and kasama daw c judith for dinner. but then, since my email productivity was low, i said ndi nlang. then, i lied about meeting my cousin. so i couldn't stay any longer at my station. i had to leave. =( i asked pau to wait for me para sabay kme uwi. mhirap daw umuwi kc konti lng transpo coz jeepney drivers are on stike. pagdating sa mall, pau's gonna meet someone daw. so i guessed i'll just stroll around. pero mgkasama kme. [she was waiting for that person who sold her a dvd copy of stained glass. haha!]
i was upset that my supposedly plan was ruined and it's because i couldn't stand staying at work after shift. u know... well, you really don't know. never mind. u didn't hear me.
so there, ikot kme ni pau sa mall. nafeel ko nagugutom nko. and wished sumama nlang ako kina basti. i suspected pau would hate me for inviting her to eat. but i still asked if gusto nya kumain, and she said yes. edi kain kme. yipee!
after meeting up with that stained glass seller, we went home already.
at home, i asked my cousin kuya to help me dye my hair. since he knew how to coz he dyes his own hair too. nweiz, when i finished, i watched my two-week old pamangkin cry. tagal nya umiyak, and ndi malaman ano talaga gusto nya.
npapagod nko kakahintay sa dye, and sabe pa ni kuya, hintay pa konti. so humiga muna ako hanggang nakatulog na. mum woke me up and told me to shampoo my hair na. my tita was there at that time and offered to wash my hair. o dba.. hehe. so i grabbed my shampoo and the conditioner included in the pack.
after that, i combed til my hair dried a bit. and went to bed. *michael buble playing in the background.* ten minutes passed. twenty. Hindi pa ren ako makatulog. past 1am na. i have to sleep na. wala pa ren. inisep kong wag na matulog. pero ndi pwde dahil alam kong itutulog ko lang un sa work.
gniseng ako mum ko ng maaga. pero sadyang mabagal ako kumilos kya pagdating sa ofc, late!
at sobrang antok pa dahil sa kulang na tulog. konti lng ang na-process kong emails ngayon. nakaktamad. pero ndi pwde mangyari to. pero ndi ko ren kaya.
tapos ngayon nakuha ko pang mag blog.
hai,, i've wasted so much time today. =(
uuwi nko. excited nko makita c kuya. uuwi na xa. ngresign na daw xa sa work. mdadagdagan ang kalat at kulit sa bahay. pero ayos lng. hehe.
sana magaling na c coco, ang kapatid kong bunso. wala akong mautusan. :p

Last Kiss

i never knew the story behind it until now.
it is yet another sad story. but it was pretty good.
she died in that car crash. before she breathed her last, he gave him a warm kiss - they're last kiss. he must really love her so much. he thinks of being with her again when time comes that he'll leave this world too.

can't see in the dark

kahit mukhang maliwanag ang gabi, hindi pa ren nabibigyan ng linaw ang mga bagay na gumugulo sa aking isipan. ang dami kong iniisep at pinoproblema na cguro ay hindi na dapat pagtuunan ng pansin. pero alam niyo nman saken,,, lahat nlang big deal.

whatever!

ang gulo ng blog ko. an dami nnmang nwala. kakaedit ko ng template. ngyon inaayos ko nnman 'to. cant find my haloscan. damn.

nwala ren ung special effects ko pra sa title bar. uh huh. at mraming nagulo sa format na gusto ko. and ung counter ko =(

salamat nga pla sa nagnakaw ng wallet ko at sa hassle na binigay mo sken ngyon. leche ka! bibigay ko xo un money dhil un lng nman tlga kelangan mo. ndi mo nman klangan un gamit ko e. importante saken ung mga un. b3p tlga.

sana pinambayad ko nlang sa mas better seat sa concert ung nakuha mo saken.

ndi ako mkapag leave. ayos lng un. pero ndi ren ako mkpag call in kc ndi sumsagot un supervisor ko. aabsent ako tom. bhala na. i really need to fix those BS.

ndi pko nkakkuha ng cedula. na kelngan daw ng bank. and un power of attorney. hell with these stuff.

tas meron pa d2 sa work na cnabihan ako na mag-headset nlang kung magpplay me ng music that contains profanity. and that if i want to play songs, sana ung ok sa pandinig ng majority. cge na. nkaheadset nko. wala na sanang makikialam saken. i didn't mean to harm anybody with my kind of music. sorry na. ok?

at eto pa. nbasa ko na ung email ng isang friend. a very good friend. i can feel na sobrang concern xa saken. kaya lng alam mo nman na mhirap para saken un suggestion mo. kung suggestion ba tawag dun or ur telling me to do that/those. watev! basta un. nhihirapan ako. nweiz, thanks for loving me and caring for me.

i believe i am strong. but it's always nice to have you near. thank u so much! u know who you are.

at sa iba pang bagay... akin nlng un. -- "not right now, i need some space."

gosh! i dunno what i've done and have not done to deserve all these shit and more.

before i end this, i wanna thank lui singkit. kc she understands me so well. thanks for always being there. for laughing and crying with me. i miss you so much.